For the past year or two, this blog moved to: http://purplequark.wordpress.com/
I may revive this one...but I'm working on some stuff. In the meantime, go read over there :)
Monday, February 21, 2011
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Xmas card 2009--work in progress
I'm poor again this year for Christmas so I will be making a Christmas card to give to people dear. I really liked a design I had made for a print so I'm using it again but this time it will be a watercolor drawing. Here is a scan of the line work before I add color to it (I'm not separating the process like I have for other work...I hope I don't screw it up!)
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Another process post. This was for an event put on by a group on campus. The title was "foreclosing on the American Dream". So sketched out some ideas for approval they liked the one with the different houses being blocked out by foreclosure signs. The final piece is all by hand, a watercolor with the foreclosure signs cut out and pasted onto the paper. Other than typing out the letters on MS Word, there was no digital manipulation of the image. Though I should learn Adobe and the like. Yet I like that imperfect human look.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Random question pops up in my head regarding maturity. Guess I asked myself if I was mature enough. I suppose that's funny perhaps it is more difficult for me to see how I've changed than from someone that has not seen me in some time. Or if I look at an old picture and then I go "whoa, that was me?".
I find that there have been plenty of times I have been immature and those moments still happen, but I am content in being aware when it happens and what I can do to reduce it. I don't think immaturity necessarily goes away, because sometimes it just happens and in our emotional weaknesses it gets the better of us...BUT we can be proactive about how we deal with it. And I think that's the path I'm going on.
I remember reading this old article we got in high school from our English teacher about maturity. I kept it and passed it on to some co-workers. I liked the simplicity of it and of course it always helped me think about whether I was mature enough. I don't have the article now, but with the wonders of the internet (seriously, doesn't it spoil us in so many ways?) I found what I think are some parts of it:
"Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction
Maturity is patience, the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of the long-term gain.
Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of opposition and discouraging setbacks.
Maturity is unselfishness-responding to the needs of others, often at the expense of one's own desires or wishes.
Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.
Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say. "I was wrong." And, when right, the mature person need not say, "I told you so."
Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. The immature spend their lives exploring and endless possibilities, then do nothing.
Maturity means dependability, keeping one's word, coming through in the crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi - confused and disorganized. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions which never materialize.
Maturity is the art of living in peace with that which we cannot change"
Most of that seems pretty obvious or self clear, but as always, what I say is that, good, it should be simple and clear, because the hard part is the practice, as it should be. I like to think that I practice all of the above, sometimes succeeding more so in some than others...but they are goals I strive for. If anyone out there thinks of me as immature, then I do welcome the opportunity to listen so I can reflect on it. It may be they are right, it may be they are wrong, but I value the perspective. I think that as I begin to settle down into a new environment, having just secured a job, but needing a place to live and some transportation, I am changing some things about me (in a good way!) and I hope to continue to practice the art of maturity. Having said that, I'm getting older and grown up, but that should never come at the expense of the inner child.
And lastly, a nice quote I found, with a minor tweak of my own:
"Never take someone for granted. Hold those you care about and love close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were busy collecting stones"
I find that there have been plenty of times I have been immature and those moments still happen, but I am content in being aware when it happens and what I can do to reduce it. I don't think immaturity necessarily goes away, because sometimes it just happens and in our emotional weaknesses it gets the better of us...BUT we can be proactive about how we deal with it. And I think that's the path I'm going on.
I remember reading this old article we got in high school from our English teacher about maturity. I kept it and passed it on to some co-workers. I liked the simplicity of it and of course it always helped me think about whether I was mature enough. I don't have the article now, but with the wonders of the internet (seriously, doesn't it spoil us in so many ways?) I found what I think are some parts of it:
"Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction
Maturity is patience, the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of the long-term gain.
Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of opposition and discouraging setbacks.
Maturity is unselfishness-responding to the needs of others, often at the expense of one's own desires or wishes.
Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.
Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say. "I was wrong." And, when right, the mature person need not say, "I told you so."
Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. The immature spend their lives exploring and endless possibilities, then do nothing.
Maturity means dependability, keeping one's word, coming through in the crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi - confused and disorganized. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions which never materialize.
Maturity is the art of living in peace with that which we cannot change"
Most of that seems pretty obvious or self clear, but as always, what I say is that, good, it should be simple and clear, because the hard part is the practice, as it should be. I like to think that I practice all of the above, sometimes succeeding more so in some than others...but they are goals I strive for. If anyone out there thinks of me as immature, then I do welcome the opportunity to listen so I can reflect on it. It may be they are right, it may be they are wrong, but I value the perspective. I think that as I begin to settle down into a new environment, having just secured a job, but needing a place to live and some transportation, I am changing some things about me (in a good way!) and I hope to continue to practice the art of maturity. Having said that, I'm getting older and grown up, but that should never come at the expense of the inner child.
And lastly, a nice quote I found, with a minor tweak of my own:
"Never take someone for granted. Hold those you care about and love close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were busy collecting stones"
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Ah, so I am to be employed. Well, yes I did complete a two year master's program in Natural Resources & Environment. I was hoping to be employed in that field, with a focus on working with people and education, but those options are a bit limited given the economic situation and just being in the Bay Area. But the options are not wholly closed for the future! Point is, right now I needed a job and I have experience in education. So I found a teaching position!
Now, I have to admit I was getting worried because education jobs are difficult to come by here EVEN though teachers are supposed to be in high demand. Anyways, I won't get into that because I want to quickly mention the two options I had in terms of employment.
After a month of craziness sending out all sorts of applications, I had a response to a position at a public charter school in Oakland. Nothing had really come up and they asked me for an interview, so I jumped at the chance because they looked like a really good school (and they are!). So I made the drive up there and was interviewed by students and staff, got to walk around and check out the place. I was really impressed and liked it overall. I was invited for a lesson plan demonstration the following day and that went really well too. The students were kind enough to give me the opportunity to show what I could do. The weekend came up with a tentative offer. I wasn't sure whether to just take it because I had no other offers even though it was a pretty good deal.
Unbeknown to me, I had received an e-mail during the weekend for another position. I did not have e-mail at home so I did not find out until that Monday and I rushed over to be interviewed. That one went really well and I was impressed by the school. Bunch of other stuff happened...but the point was that I now had two offers and they were both good, hard to compare because I felt they were like apples and oranges. See, the first one was a public charter school. The second one was a private prep school, BUT they both served underserved students, particularly Latinos, most of which are first to go to college.
So I did go through a deliberate process and received some very insightful feedback from friends. I did not want to feel like a sell-out for taking the second offer, it being a private school. I know I was needed at the first school, and the principal and students there worked hard to try to have me be there...but the second school also made me feel like a million bucks. Well, of course it feels good to feel wanted. I mean, they really built me up, making me sound all awesome!
I chose the second one for a variety of reasons, none of which was because the first school was not a good choice. But the first school allowed me to be closer to my sweetie (at least for the time being until she heads off to graduate school...but that is to be another tale) and it was a slightly new experience. I have given much of myself to helping low-income school, so that I do not regret and it is something I will continue to do.
Anyhoo, I will be teaching US History and Spanish at the Eastside College Preparatory School in East Palo Alto, you know, making the big bucks.
We'll see how it goes...adventure is out there! (have you seen that movie? you really should)
Now, I have to admit I was getting worried because education jobs are difficult to come by here EVEN though teachers are supposed to be in high demand. Anyways, I won't get into that because I want to quickly mention the two options I had in terms of employment.
After a month of craziness sending out all sorts of applications, I had a response to a position at a public charter school in Oakland. Nothing had really come up and they asked me for an interview, so I jumped at the chance because they looked like a really good school (and they are!). So I made the drive up there and was interviewed by students and staff, got to walk around and check out the place. I was really impressed and liked it overall. I was invited for a lesson plan demonstration the following day and that went really well too. The students were kind enough to give me the opportunity to show what I could do. The weekend came up with a tentative offer. I wasn't sure whether to just take it because I had no other offers even though it was a pretty good deal.
Unbeknown to me, I had received an e-mail during the weekend for another position. I did not have e-mail at home so I did not find out until that Monday and I rushed over to be interviewed. That one went really well and I was impressed by the school. Bunch of other stuff happened...but the point was that I now had two offers and they were both good, hard to compare because I felt they were like apples and oranges. See, the first one was a public charter school. The second one was a private prep school, BUT they both served underserved students, particularly Latinos, most of which are first to go to college.
So I did go through a deliberate process and received some very insightful feedback from friends. I did not want to feel like a sell-out for taking the second offer, it being a private school. I know I was needed at the first school, and the principal and students there worked hard to try to have me be there...but the second school also made me feel like a million bucks. Well, of course it feels good to feel wanted. I mean, they really built me up, making me sound all awesome!
I chose the second one for a variety of reasons, none of which was because the first school was not a good choice. But the first school allowed me to be closer to my sweetie (at least for the time being until she heads off to graduate school...but that is to be another tale) and it was a slightly new experience. I have given much of myself to helping low-income school, so that I do not regret and it is something I will continue to do.
Anyhoo, I will be teaching US History and Spanish at the Eastside College Preparatory School in East Palo Alto, you know, making the big bucks.
We'll see how it goes...adventure is out there! (have you seen that movie? you really should)
I remember waaay back in High School, I think it was either psychology class or some health course, there was this chapter in a book describing the different types of love, in addition to what people would mistake for love (lust and infatuation, for example). I'm curious what the book was because I don't remember, and I don't recall all the categories either.
But my thoughts on some readings I've bumped into, along with how they may relate to who I am.
One article talks about 4 different types of Love: Security, Friendship, Romantic, and Unconditional.
Security Love is the kind of basic love we need as humans, to be cared for and nurtured, they type that parents have for their kids. For me, I think I had it, because my parents have supported me all the way. The sad thing is that we never really made it explicit and I think it's had it's effects on me.
Friendship Love is the kind of love with best friends, those with whom you are open, honest, and trustworthy, someone you are really comfortable. Supposedly, it is much easier to have this with someone of the same sex, because when it is with the opposite sex, it can develop or be misinterpreted as romantic love. But I think obviously that falls into the fallacy of generalization. I would like to think I have this kind of love with a few people, especially relationships that have really grown in recent years. In particular a few guys out there that I want them to know that I will be there in your time of need, just ask.
Romantic Love is ahhhh, that many of us so desperately anticipate and want. Supposedly the "makes you weak int the knees, butterflies in the stomach deal". See, for me I do not particularly like that to be wholly romantic love because I think there is more and it should definitely be beyond just physical attraction. OF COURSE that helps, but I think this type of love is certainly much clearer in absence, when one realize how much the other person means to you now that he/she is not there.
Here again is the idea that it should be just lustful love or infatuation. It should not be just being in love with the idea of being in love. I agree with Stephen Covey that love is a verb, not just a noun. As much as you are in love, you also should love; to do the actions that foster those feelings. This is certainly hard because it leaves us vulnerable and for those of us with baggage and feelings of insecurity and fear of rejection...well, it's hard to give and give and not feel like you are getting back.
Do I think that there is only one person who is our perfect match? Well, the romantic in me says yes, because that is what I think love develops into, you seeing that person as the only one for you and acting like it. That is important to me, because if you are thinking that there can be someone else out there, you need to be aware of how you may start undermining your current relationship. But does that mean that I believe your destined specifically for someone? I think that is like asking if we are the only intelligent life in the universe. You can believer either way and be happy about it. Once you've found someone that makes you feel like you are the one and the feeling is mutual, then make it be the one.
Lastly, unconditional love is the hardest of all. This is the love that lasts forever, the one is difficult because especially if we've gone through several relationships, we've slowly added conditions to protect ourselves. Theoretically, nothing can destroy unconditional love, but you cannot just take it for granted and not work at it. I only have unconditional love for maybe 2-3 people and let me tell you, it's hard, especially given how needy and self-interested we are as people. But just the same...it's a wonderful feeling and it is really meaningful to me, to give because I want to and choose to.
It still feels good to say and hear I love you...but they can be carefully guarded words and they are truly the best when they are earned.
Purple Quark signing out until next post. Actually, I think I just found out a chart that describes the types of love from that high school class. It's a little matrix that describes how much of the following each type of love has: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment.
Oh, and I recently ran into this article about the chemicals that work on the feeling of Love.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Okay here goes a doozy:
So who is Purple Quark, what could you expect from him as a friend or boyfriend? Hmmm...
Yes, this list not comprehensive, some of it may be confusing, some of it elucidating, perhaps...
I like to read comic books, but I'm not that much of a fanatic
I can be quite the geek and dork
I like feeling smart, knowing things
I like to give, to try to make things better
I do not handle stress and anxiety well
I worry easily
Though it is difficult for me to stay in contact with friends, I am always open to helping out and lending a hand
I do many many things willingly, even if it seems like a bother or sacrifice
I like to try new foods
I still do not quite like celery
I like being a hopeless/foolish romantic
I like to write cheesy poetry
I enjoy being quiet at times, but a complete blabbermouth other times
I can't dance, but I like to try
I can get easily annoyed but I just don't show it...which lead to:
Like a Vulcan I work to manage my emotions
But I am what you see
I find the movie Shakespeare in Love be hilarious
I am fascinated by being able to combine Mayan and Japanese styles...working on it
My personality is like a kaleidoscope
I really really like Paul McCartney
I need more outlets for my raunchiness
I say things like "just because you are not using words doesn't mean you aren't communicating"
I think I am a pretty good life coach...except in coaching myself
Often I think I am more White than I realize
But I most definitely like feeling Mexican
I do not handle rejection easily...but have learned how to handle it hard
I wish I was better at taking care of my body
I like to be good at many things, at least competent on a variety of things
Really, I can be really cheesy, but I like it
I am intimidated by smart intelligent people and end up competing with them, but there is a niche of them that don't intimidate me and I count them as friends
I like to think I give myself alot to a relationship
I like spontaneity, I like things to be planned out
I like for things to be organized but many of my things are messy
I really do think I'm a collection of paradoxes and oxymorons
I like to indulge in fancy things now and then
I am insecure when it comes to comparing myself to physically attractive men...I try to make it up with my personality
It is difficult to quite my brain at times...meaning I need to have a drink
I like liquor and wine much much more than beer
I have entered this county illegally once
Kids annoy a lot of the time...but I'm a teacher and I really like it
I like to be treated as the center of attention every now and then
I'm not sure if I know what I'm actually good at
I like compliments
At times I think I care too much about too many things
I loooove seafood
Although I've been told I can be good at leadership, many times I do not want that much responsibility
I can start things very well...but have difficulty in carrying them out
I have to admit, there are times I wish I was plain stupid...or maybe just blissfully ignorant about some things
I used to be a lot more patient than I am now
It is difficult for me to say bad things about people much of the time
I feel like I've not quite given my full potential to many things, especially academically
Never really experienced family love...support yes, but I think our family became emotionally stunted
I've been stung by waaay to many scorpions
Wonders what the reaction would actually be if I disappeared tomorrow (no, no, don't put me on suicide watch)
Likes to be introspective, loving, elegant, restrained...but also fuck stuff up, hit shit and let the rage out
I've been know as a shy introverted wallflower, but also as an outgoing spontaneous adventurous charmer
likes to have in-depth thoughtful conversations
Likes sex (ooops, is this a family blog?)
Likes pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain...
Would be just as happy being rich as living a simple life
I like to draw
I like used bookstores
I like order and structure...but being able to go outside those boundaries as well
I like to make people happy, give them surprises
I would like my girlfriend to feel like she's the queen of my world
Okay, that's a bit for now
So who is Purple Quark, what could you expect from him as a friend or boyfriend? Hmmm...
Yes, this list not comprehensive, some of it may be confusing, some of it elucidating, perhaps...
I like to read comic books, but I'm not that much of a fanatic
I can be quite the geek and dork
I like feeling smart, knowing things
I like to give, to try to make things better
I do not handle stress and anxiety well
I worry easily
Though it is difficult for me to stay in contact with friends, I am always open to helping out and lending a hand
I do many many things willingly, even if it seems like a bother or sacrifice
I like to try new foods
I still do not quite like celery
I like being a hopeless/foolish romantic
I like to write cheesy poetry
I enjoy being quiet at times, but a complete blabbermouth other times
I can't dance, but I like to try
I can get easily annoyed but I just don't show it...which lead to:
Like a Vulcan I work to manage my emotions
But I am what you see
I find the movie Shakespeare in Love be hilarious
I am fascinated by being able to combine Mayan and Japanese styles...working on it
My personality is like a kaleidoscope
I really really like Paul McCartney
I need more outlets for my raunchiness
I say things like "just because you are not using words doesn't mean you aren't communicating"
I think I am a pretty good life coach...except in coaching myself
Often I think I am more White than I realize
But I most definitely like feeling Mexican
I do not handle rejection easily...but have learned how to handle it hard
I wish I was better at taking care of my body
I like to be good at many things, at least competent on a variety of things
Really, I can be really cheesy, but I like it
I am intimidated by smart intelligent people and end up competing with them, but there is a niche of them that don't intimidate me and I count them as friends
I like to think I give myself alot to a relationship
I like spontaneity, I like things to be planned out
I like for things to be organized but many of my things are messy
I really do think I'm a collection of paradoxes and oxymorons
I like to indulge in fancy things now and then
I am insecure when it comes to comparing myself to physically attractive men...I try to make it up with my personality
It is difficult to quite my brain at times...meaning I need to have a drink
I like liquor and wine much much more than beer
I have entered this county illegally once
Kids annoy a lot of the time...but I'm a teacher and I really like it
I like to be treated as the center of attention every now and then
I'm not sure if I know what I'm actually good at
I like compliments
At times I think I care too much about too many things
I loooove seafood
Although I've been told I can be good at leadership, many times I do not want that much responsibility
I can start things very well...but have difficulty in carrying them out
I have to admit, there are times I wish I was plain stupid...or maybe just blissfully ignorant about some things
I used to be a lot more patient than I am now
It is difficult for me to say bad things about people much of the time
I feel like I've not quite given my full potential to many things, especially academically
Never really experienced family love...support yes, but I think our family became emotionally stunted
I've been stung by waaay to many scorpions
Wonders what the reaction would actually be if I disappeared tomorrow (no, no, don't put me on suicide watch)
Likes to be introspective, loving, elegant, restrained...but also fuck stuff up, hit shit and let the rage out
I've been know as a shy introverted wallflower, but also as an outgoing spontaneous adventurous charmer
likes to have in-depth thoughtful conversations
Likes sex (ooops, is this a family blog?)
Likes pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain...
Would be just as happy being rich as living a simple life
I like to draw
I like used bookstores
I like order and structure...but being able to go outside those boundaries as well
I like to make people happy, give them surprises
I would like my girlfriend to feel like she's the queen of my world
Okay, that's a bit for now
Monday, June 15, 2009
Some stuff I've worked on...
Saucy?
Como me siento por ti:
¿Qué palabras existen para explicar cómo me siento por ti?
¿Qué analogías hay para describir lo que te quiero decir?
¿Tal vez como el fuego? Que devora y consume con tanta pasión. Y sigue hambriento como yo por tu ternura y atención.
¿O como el agua? Y yo un pez nadando en tu ser. Ensopado por tu cuerpo en desnudez, casi ahogándome por tu ausencia…Ay, como me faltas cada vez.
O como el viento y yo arrojado por amor. Con tu cariño refrescando my ardor, que tantas ganas tengo de quitarte el…
¿O como la tierra? y yo enterrado en tu corazón. Mis raíces pulsando con cada tremor de emoción, mis dedos por tu piel…que linda sensación.
Tú eres mi alimento y que lindas cosas brotaran de tu cuerpo y el mío juntos como olas revolcándose en el mar.
Ven a mi cariño mío, vamos a descubrir, que puede pasar cuando te tengo cerca a mí.
Saucy?
Como me siento por ti:
¿Qué palabras existen para explicar cómo me siento por ti?
¿Qué analogías hay para describir lo que te quiero decir?
¿Tal vez como el fuego? Que devora y consume con tanta pasión. Y sigue hambriento como yo por tu ternura y atención.
¿O como el agua? Y yo un pez nadando en tu ser. Ensopado por tu cuerpo en desnudez, casi ahogándome por tu ausencia…Ay, como me faltas cada vez.
O como el viento y yo arrojado por amor. Con tu cariño refrescando my ardor, que tantas ganas tengo de quitarte el…
¿O como la tierra? y yo enterrado en tu corazón. Mis raíces pulsando con cada tremor de emoción, mis dedos por tu piel…que linda sensación.
Tú eres mi alimento y que lindas cosas brotaran de tu cuerpo y el mío juntos como olas revolcándose en el mar.
Ven a mi cariño mío, vamos a descubrir, que puede pasar cuando te tengo cerca a mí.
More randomness
In getting to know myself better, I was thinking about what I "want" from my partner. This is not a simple wish list, or what I feel I'm lacking, but I think maybe more of an assertion as one of two in a relationship. You know how it is, we can be pretty needy self-interested people. And that's not bad, it just us being human. Anyways, if it makes sense, here it is. As always, my non-readers, feel free to leave your ghost comments :P
coming up on a later post is what I think I offer :), plus the principles I'm trying to distill (much like what is done in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)
What am I looking for in a partner?
Laughs with me on the silly things
Is smart, but that doesn’t necessarily mean “book smart”
Shows tenderness, care and affection spontaneously, joyously, in private or as appropriate in public
Will surprise me with a hug from behind
Lots of hugs
Treats me to little surprises, even if it’s a little note on a post-it
Enjoys a quiet walk through the park or the woods
Enjoys a hike every now and then
Engages in a fun pillow fight
Pushes me on my areas of growth with tender support
Sends me a fun e-mail or text
Surprises me with short calls to say hi
Appreciates that I want to treat her like a queen
Likes a healthy sense of adventure and takes me along
Treats me like I’m unique and special, not just another guy
Plans a weekend or an evening for me
Spoils me every now and then, including with fun pet names
Knows that what I do for her I do so willingly
That although it leaves me pretty vulnerable at times, understands that I love her unconditionally, and that ain't easy
In getting to know myself better, I was thinking about what I "want" from my partner. This is not a simple wish list, or what I feel I'm lacking, but I think maybe more of an assertion as one of two in a relationship. You know how it is, we can be pretty needy self-interested people. And that's not bad, it just us being human. Anyways, if it makes sense, here it is. As always, my non-readers, feel free to leave your ghost comments :P
coming up on a later post is what I think I offer :), plus the principles I'm trying to distill (much like what is done in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)
What am I looking for in a partner?
Laughs with me on the silly things
Is smart, but that doesn’t necessarily mean “book smart”
Shows tenderness, care and affection spontaneously, joyously, in private or as appropriate in public
Will surprise me with a hug from behind
Lots of hugs
Treats me to little surprises, even if it’s a little note on a post-it
Enjoys a quiet walk through the park or the woods
Enjoys a hike every now and then
Engages in a fun pillow fight
Pushes me on my areas of growth with tender support
Sends me a fun e-mail or text
Surprises me with short calls to say hi
Appreciates that I want to treat her like a queen
Likes a healthy sense of adventure and takes me along
Treats me like I’m unique and special, not just another guy
Plans a weekend or an evening for me
Spoils me every now and then, including with fun pet names
Knows that what I do for her I do so willingly
That although it leaves me pretty vulnerable at times, understands that I love her unconditionally, and that ain't easy
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